The World Went Soft And Cuddly
by UltimateGryffindork
Summary: Carrot's POV, the day his first kids were born. A little Discworld one-shot.


Captain Carrot Ironfoundersson trudged gloomily into Pseudopolis Yard, a worried expression on his face. He signed in at the desk, and looked up to see Commander Vimes.

"Everything all right, captain? You're twenty minutes later than you usually are, and you look like a wet weeke- I mean, you look pretty depressed," asked Vimes. "Is Angua alright?" he added, realising that nothing else would make Carrot so miserable.

"She should be alright," Carrot answered gloomily. "Mrs Cake and Mrs Uberwald are with her, and Doctor Lawn is on standby." It said a lot about Carrot that he still referred to his mother-in-law as 'Mrs Uberwald' or, when he was feeling particularly casual, 'Mrs Yellowfang'. The thought of calling her 'Serafine' never crossed his mind.

Meanwhile, just a few streets away, Ludmilla Cake was hurrying up the stairs with a large pile of towels. She paused for breath, and then passed them to her mother, who ran into the bedroom with them.

Ludmilla sat down on a chair on the landing, listening. There were some scream, some comforting words from Mrs Cake, with the Baroness giving unhelpful comments: "Oh yes, Wolfgang and Delphine were both total nightmares, Changing whilst being born…" "I had to have caesarean for Andrei…."

Ludmilla sprinted to the watch-house as fast as she could. She burst into the door, to run into Captain Carrot.

"Ludmilla! Is everything alright?" he exclaimed.

"Fetch me… Constable… Igor," she panted.

"What's going on?" Carrot demanded, while a nervous corporal scuttled off to the lab.

"There's a bit of trouble with the puppy," Ludmilla answered.

Before Carrot could get his head round this sentence, Igor had limped upstairs, and he and Ludmilla were out the door.

Commander Vimes looked at Carrot; who seemed to have frozen to the spot.

"I've fathered a … puppy…" Carrot seemed to be muttering to himself.

"Would you like to take the rest of the day off, captain? We'll call it paternity leave."

"Yes! Thank you, Mister Vimes!" And Carrot was gone.

It was getting dark when Mrs Cake invited Carrot in to the bedroom. Angua was propped up on a pile of cushions, a child in her arms. A bundle was pushed into Carrot who looked down to see a sleeping baby.

"There's some good news and some bad news," said Mrs Cake. "You've got a son and a daughter, but the third one didn't make it."

There was a tiny bundle in the baroness' arms.

"We'll leave you for a while," said Ludmilla hurriedly, giving her mother a Look.

Serafine passed the puppy to Carrot before following Mrs Cake and Ludmilla out.

Carrot took his first proper look at the infant in his arms, and his world went soft and cuddly.

"Are you alright?" he asked Angua. She nodded, but didn't seem convinced. He sat down next to her and laid the still puppy on his lap so he could put his arm round her.

"Congratulations," he murmured into her ear. "You're a mother."

She smiled weakly, before adjusting the blankets so he could see the child in her arms. There was a thin layer of bright red hair on its head.

"It's a boy," she whispered. "And the other's a girl."

He looked at the two children.

"Do you know about… well, um… species?" he asked nervously.

"Not yet," she answered quietly. "But I think the girl's a bimorph."

"What are their names?" he asked.

"You choose."

"No. You're the mother – you choose."

Angua paused and thought for a moment.

"Well… it would be nice to call the girl Elsa. After my sister, you know. She always wanted to be a bimorph." She smiled, sadly. "There. I've chosen one – you choose the other."

Carrot glanced at his son. There was a long silence as he thought.

"I've always liked the name Daniel," he said eventually.

"Daniel and Elsa Ironfoundersson," Angua said. "I like it. And – the puppy was Gavin. I've been decided on that for months."

"Yes," said Carrot. "Daniel, Elsa and Gavin." He paused for a moment. "Which one's the eldest?"

"Elsa," came the reply. "By about half an hour."

And the new parents sat together, awed by the wonders of parenthood, in a soft, cuddly world.

And a six o'clock prompt, Carrot read Where's My Cow.

With all the noises.

No Excuses.


End file.
